Jun 7, 2020
Schitt’s Creek Cast & Mariah Carey Commencement Speech Transcript 2020
The cast of Schitt’s Creek and Mariah Carey gave a commencement address for the class of 2020 in an online video. Read the full speech transcript here.
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Moira Rose: (00:07)
Well, hello, you. Moira Rose here at the behest of Michelle and Barack. Turns out they enjoy films about murderous crows. Yes, I’ve always admired the heterogeneity of Barack’s year-end lists. Family.
Alexis Rose: (00:22)
Yes. Hi, I’m here.
Johnny Rose: (00:24)
We’re all here, Moira, and ready to go.
David Rose: (00:27)
I don’t think my microphone’s working.
Alexis Rose: (00:29)
Shush, David. Everyone can hear you.
Moira Rose: (00:32)
Well aware, Alexis. Now, we have been given the essential task of sending our preceptors.
Alexis Rose: (00:38)
Moira Rose: (00:41)
That’s what I said, thank you. Sending our scholastic skippers some panegyrical words.
Alexis Rose: (00:46)
Okay, no one’s going to understand what you’re talking about.
Johnny Rose: (00:48)
Okay. Why don’t I start? Okay? We just wanted to express from the bottom of our hearts just how necessary you all are in shaping young minds.
Moira Rose: (00:58)
Sculpting, John. Sculpting. The travertine that is the future of this class of 2020.
Alexis Rose: (01:06)
David Rose: (01:07)
So thank you. And may you continue to brighten-
Moira Rose: (01:11)
David Rose: (01:12)
… My God. Illuminate the paths for many more to come.
Alexis Rose: (01:17)
So, in celebration of all you precepitators…
Moira Rose: (01:20)
Teachers, teachers. We’ve invited some of our nearest and dearest to help us express our indebtedness. Patrick. Stevie. My Jazzagals. And Ray. What better way to celebrate than through the benefaction of song ready team?
Many Speakers: (01:47)
David Rose: (01:47)
Yeah. Although Patrick, why can’t we use the same computer?
Because the acoustics are better in the bedroom.
David Rose: (01:55)
Do I really have to do this?
Moira Rose: (01:58)
David chose the song.
David Rose: (01:59)
Okay. It was a suggestion.
Moira Rose: (02:03)
And a lovely gift of gratitude for our teachers.
Many Speakers: (02:08)
For our teachers. (singing)
Mariah Carey: (04:43)
Moira, darling. I hope you didn’t mind that I jumped in like that. You all sounded so good that I had to get in on it.
David Rose: (04:49)
I think I’m having a heart attack.
Mariah Carey: (04:52)
To all the teachers and professors, especially the ones who had to deal with students like me, who never really showed up at school on time. You rose to the occasion and helped these students reach the finish line.
Mariah Carey’s Kids: (05:04)
Can I get on the Zoom call?
Mariah Carey: (05:06)
No, you can’t get on the Zoom call. Sorry. And to the students who had to deal with this bleak moment, congratulations on this historic accomplishment.
Mariah Carey’s Kids: (05:17)
Mom, can I have some orange soda?
Mariah Carey: (05:20)
Anyway, to all the teachers and students, you are so appreciated. And I just want to say class of 2020, you made it. Thank you guys so much.
Many Speakers: (05:30)
Mariah Carey: (05:34)
David Rose: (05:35)
Feeling lightheaded. Yes. Mariah Carey.
Mariah Carey: (05:37)
(singing) Roc and Roe are here. They wanted to say hi.
David Rose: (05:46)
I love you.