Mark (00:16):
Did you know there are more people with genius IQs living in China than there are people of any kind living in the United States?
Erica (00:21):
That can't possibly be true.
Mark (00:22):
It is.
Erica (00:23):
What would account for that?
Mark (00:24):
Well, first an awful lot of people live in China. But here's my question, how do you distinguish yourself in the population of people who all got 1,600 on their SATs?
Erica (00:31):
I didn't know they take SATs in China.
Mark (00:33):
They don't. I wasn't talking about China anymore. I was talking about me.
Erica (00:35):
You got a 1,600?
Mark (00:36):
Yes. I could sing in an acapella group, but I can't sing.
Erica (00:39):
Does that mean you actually got nothing wrong?
Mark (00:40):
I could row crew or infect a $25 PC.
Erica (00:42):
Or you get into a final club?
Mark (00:44):
Or I get into a final club.
Erica (00:45):
You know from a woman's perspective, sometimes not singing in an acapella group is a good thing.
Mark (00:49):
This is serious.
Erica (00:49):
On the other hand, I do like guys who row crew.
Mark (00:51):
Well, I can't do that.
Erica (00:53):
I was kidding.
Mark (00:54):
Yes, I got nothing wrong with the test.
Erica (00:56):
Have you ever tried?
Mark (00:57):
I'm trying right now.
Erica (00:58):
To row crew?
Mark (00:59):
To get into a final club. To row crew, no. Are you like, whatever, delusional?
Erica (01:03):
Maybe it's just sometimes you say two things at once, I'm not sure which one I'm supposed to be aiming at.
Mark (01:06):
But you've seen guys who row crew, right?
Erica (01:09):
No.
Mark (01:09):
Okay. Well, they're bigger than me. They're world-class athletes. And a second ago you said you like guys who row crew, I assume you had met one.
Erica (01:14):
I guess I just meant I like the idea of it the way a girl likes cowboys.
Mark (01:17):
Okay.
Erica (01:20):
Should we get something to eat?
Mark (01:21):
Would you like to talk about something else?
Erica (01:23):
No. It's just since the beginning of the conversation about finals club, I think I may have missed a birthday. There are really more people in China with genius IQs than the entire-
Mark (01:33):
The Phoenix is the most diverse. The Fly Club, Roosevelt punched the Porc.
Erica (01:36):
Which one?
Mark (01:36):
The Porcellian, The Porc, it's the best of the best.
Erica (01:38):
Which Roosevelt?
Mark (01:40):
Theodore.
Erica (01:42):
Is it true that they send a bus around to pick up girls who want to party with the next Fed chairman?
Mark (01:46):
So you can see why it's so important to get in.
Erica (01:48):
Okay. Well, which is the easiest to get into?
Mark (01:52):
Why would you ask me that?
Erica (01:53):
I was just asking.
Mark (01:55):
None of them. That's the point. My friend Eduardo made $300,000 betting oil futures one summer and Eduardo won't come close to getting in. The ability to make money doesn't impress anybody around here.
Erica (02:04):
Must be nice. He made $300,000 in the summer.
Mark (02:08):
He likes meteorology.
Erica (02:08):
You said it was oil features.
Mark (02:10):
You can read the weather, you can predict the price of heating oil. I think you asked me that because you think the final club that's easiest to get into is the one where I'll have the best chance.
Erica (02:18):
What?
Mark (02:18):
You asked me which one was the easiest to get into because you think that that's the one where I'll have the best chance.
Erica (02:23):
The one that's the easiest to get into would be the one where anybody has the best chance.
Mark (02:27):
You didn't ask me which one was the best one. You asked me which one was the easiest one.
Erica (02:30):
I was honestly just asking, okay? I was just asking to ask. Mark, I'm not speaking in code.
Mark (02:36):
Erica.
Erica (02:37):
You're obsessed with finals clubs. You have finals clubs OCD and you need to see someone about it who will prescribe you some sort of medication, you don't care if the side effects may include blindness.
Mark (02:45):
Final clubs. Not finals clubs. And there's a difference between being obsessed and being motivated.
Erica (02:52):
Yes. There is.
Mark (02:55):
Well, you do. That was cryptic, so you do speak in code.
Erica (02:57):
I didn't mean to be crypto.
Mark (02:58):
I'm just saying I need to do something substantial in order to get the attention of the clubs.
Erica (03:02):
Why?
Mark (03:02):
Because they're exclusive and fun and they lead to a better life.
Erica (03:06):
Teddy Roosevelt didn't get elected for president because he was a member of The Phoenix Club.
Mark (03:09):
He was a member of The Porcellian and yes, he did.
Erica (03:12):
Well, why don't you just concentrate on being the best you you can be?
Mark (03:16):
Did you really just say that?
Erica (03:17):
I was kidding. Although just because someone's trite doesn't make it any less true-
Mark (03:21):
I want to try to be straightforward with you and tell you that I think you might want to be a little more supportive. If I get in, I will be taking you to the events and the gatherings and you'll be meeting a lot of people you wouldn't normally get to meet.
Erica (03:32):
You would do that for me?
Mark (03:34):
We're dating.
Erica (03:39):
Okay. Well, I want to try and be straightforward with you and let you know that we're not anymore.
Mark (03:41):
What do you mean?
Erica (03:43):
I'm not dating anymore. I'm sorry.
Mark (03:45):
Is this a joke?
Erica (03:46):
No, it's not.
Mark (03:47):
You're breaking up with me?
Erica (03:48):
You are going to introduce me to people I wouldn't normally have the chance to meet. What is that supposed to mean? What the ...
Mark (03:53):
Wait, settle down.
Erica (03:54):
What is it supposed to meet?
Mark (03:54):
Erica, the reason we're able to sit here and drink right now is because you used to sleep with the door guy.
Erica (03:57):
The door guy, his name is Bobby. I have not slept with the door guy. The door guy is a friend of mine and he's a perfectly good class of people. And what part of Long Island are you from? Wimbledon?
Mark (04:10):
Wait.
Erica (04:11):
I'm going back to my dorm.
Mark (04:12):
Wait. Wait, wait. Is this real?
Erica (04:13):
Yes.
Mark (04:13):
Okay. Then wait, I apologize. Okay?
Erica (04:15):
I have to go study.
Mark (04:16):
Erica?
Erica (04:16):
Yes.
Mark (04:17):
I'm sorry. I mean it.
Erica (04:18):
I appreciate that, but I have to go study.
Mark (04:20):
Come on. You don't have to study. You don't have to study. Let's just talk.
Erica (04:22):
I can't.
Mark (04:23):
Why?
Erica (04:23):
Because it is exhausting. Dating you is like dating a StairMaster.
Mark (04:26):
All I meant is that you're not likely to currently. I wasn't making a comment on your parents, I was just saying that you go to BU I was stating a fact. That's all. And if it seemed rude, then of course I apologize.
Erica (04:33):
I have to go study.
Mark (04:34):
You don't have to study.
Erica (04:35):
Why do you keep saying I don't have to study?
Mark (04:36):
Because you go to BU. You want to get some food?
Erica (04:45):
I am sorry you are not sufficiently impressed with my education.
Mark (04:45):
I'm sorry I don't have a robot, so we're even.
Erica (04:47):
I think we should just be friends.
Mark (04:49):
I don't want friends.
Erica (04:50):
I was just being polite. I have no intention of being friends with you-
Mark (04:53):
I'm under some pressure right now from my OS class, and if we could just order some food, I think we should be-
Erica (04:57):
You are probably going to be a very successful computer person. You're going to go through life thinking that girls don't like you because you're a nerd and I want you to know from the bottom of my heart that that won't be true. It'll be because you are an asshole.